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Written by an autistic therapist, this clear and urgent case for rethinking how we relate to one another upends popular notions of empathy and teaches us how we can all build deeper, more authentic connections
Mainstream psychology has long accepted that some people (like those with autism) are naturally more logical and unemotional, while others (like so-called empaths) intuitively experience the feelings of those around them as deeply as their own.
But this is wrong. Aimee Cliff, an autistic psychotherapist who empathizes for a living, knows this firsthand. We are all are capable of empathy, because empathy is something you do, not something you are—meaning you can get better at it if you choose to practice.
Drawing on scientific research, clinical experience, and interviews with neurodivergent people, Cliff examines how empathy works in the brain and body and lays out the five pillars of true empathy: Empathy is humble, empathy is embodied, empathy is amoral, empathy is radical, and empathy is work.
At the heart of this expansive new definition is the promise that every one of us can learn to improve our relationships with our fellow humans. We just have to be willing to do the work to close the space between us.
Empathy Takes Action shows us the way to build more loving, kind, and supportive communities and to make room for every kind of mind.
“Historically, autistic people have been demonized for differences in how we connect and understand emotions. It’s taken as a given that ‘empathy’ is an intuitive, universal human quality, and those of us who lack an empathy instinct are seen as dangerous and unsympathetic. But in Empathy Takes Action, Aimee Cliff challenges us to question the ‘universal’ in human psychology and relationships, and uses careful argumentation and a close study of social dynamics to argue that what really matters is how we show up for each other.”—Devon Price, PhD, author of Unmasking Autism
“In this warm and insightful book, Aimee Cliff offers an invaluable reframing of the nature of empathy: Empathy is not a static trait, but a practice one can develop.”—Nick Walker, PhD, author of Neuroqueer Heresies
“A beautifully observed exploration of what it really means to understand another person. Aimee Cliff blends personal story, psychology, and cultural insight to reveal why empathy is so often misunderstood—and how we can truly connect beyond assumptions. It’s a book about tuning in, slowing down, and learning to hear what isn’t always spoken. Wise, honest, and quietly transformative.”—Emma Reed Turrell, author of Please Yourself and host of podcast Best Friend Therapy
“A much-needed guide to empathy—what it really is, what it isn’t, and all the ways in which we can put it to transformative use.”—Joanne Limburg, author of Letters to My Weird Sisters
“Clear-eyed, forensic, and humane. . . . [Empathy Takes Action] challenges outdated assumptions about how we understand autistic people and each other. Empathy as a collective learning exercise is something we could all do with more of.”—Sophie Walker, author of Five Rules for Rebellion
“Sharp, funny, and brilliant—a book that needed to be written.”—Dr. Camilla Pang, author of Explaining Humans
