January often seems like a never-ending month—especially when the major holidays have passed and winter is here to stay. Between getting back into the swing of things at work, keeping up with your resolutions, and spending time with friends and family, plus a smidgen of self-care and the occasional need to sleep—“mindfulness” can sound like just another thing to do.
Shonda Moralis, mindful empowerment coach and author of the award-winning book Breathe, Mama, Breathe, is here to tell you that taking five minutes for mindfulness now and then may not only save your sanity—but also springboard your success. In her new book, Breathe, Empower, Achieve, Moralis presents fifty “mindful breaks” ingeniously crafted to fit into anyone’s hectic schedule. If you think you don’t have time for mindfulness, this book is definitely for you!
Read an exclusive excerpt and mindfulness exercise from Breathe, Empower, Achieve below, and don’t forget to grab your copy of the book, available now!
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Play Hooky
One regret, dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough.
—Hafiz, Sufi poet
I was becoming ill entirely too often. Nothing serious, just virus after virus, after overall exhaustion and malaise. Clearly, my immune system was operating suboptimally but I wasn’t sure why. For the most part, I eat a fairly balanced, healthy diet; I exercise, meditate, take my vitamins, and wash my hands often. After months of this bothersome losing battle with germs, it was time for a comprehensive physical to delve further into what I might be missing. In order to rule out various possible contributing factors, I subjected myself to a thorough blood panel, home sleep study, and immune function tests, all of which were happily within normal limits.
At the rheumatologist visit to discuss results, I found myself seated across from the kind, fatherly physician whom I was meeting for the first time. As we dove into the discussion of my blood work and chronic symptoms, I was struck by how intently he listened while asking a number of probing questions into the structure and responsibilities of my life. Typically, when I slide into the role of patient it feels a bit foreign because, as a therapist, I am accustomed to focusing solely on the concerns of my client. Within a matter of minutes, though, I felt not only completely heard, valued, and seen, but choked up and touched at this rare moment of sincere compassion. Meeting my gaze, this thoughtful doctor said something that stopped me in my tracks: “You’re doing much more than most people, you know.”
“What? Really?” I uttered, stunned. I paused to ponder this. Though I do have a lot on my plate, I also consider myself to be just one among countless women with full lives, juggling many responsibilities, for the most part content and willing. Thankfully, I also have an equitable partner in my husband, whose days are just as packed as mine. I never deemed myself an outlier in this regard. “Yes, really. You have your own business, a busy family life, and are helping with your parents,” he said.
Hold on, I thought, I teach mindful balance, self-care, and healthy lifestyles. Do I seriously hold higher expectations for myself than for others? Further self-inventory ensued. If I were a cartoon character my face would have worn a perplexed look while this thought bubble spontaneously appeared above my head. Let’s see . . . After years of ongoing child-related sleep interruptions, I have finally, consistently been sleeping through the night (mostly) for the past year or so. Though I am working hard to get seven hours of sleep a night, eat well, exercise, and meditate, I have also recently written, published, and diligently promoted a book, which causes me to step out of my comfort zone on a regular basis. On the home front, I am routinely mediating evolving conflict between my husband and teenaged daughter. I work full time with half-time childcare for my preschooler, which means squeezing in e-mails and phone calls at random hours of the day. I clean my own house, take care of my own psychotherapy administrative tasks, manage the complicated family schedule, and recently have been assisting more with Mom and Dad.
A few months earlier, I had found myself smack-dab in the sandwich generation as my parents were struggling with health issues. Infinitely grateful for such loving, giving parents, I more than willingly returned the favor. Although fully conscious of the increased worry and responsibilities, in the midst of it all, merely shifted into survival mode, keeping my head down while attending to whatever was needed. OK, agreed, I conceded in the aforementioned thought bubble, it has been a stressful patch.
It’s not that I was complaining, yearning for kudos, or feeling sorry for myself. Quite the opposite. I loved most of what I was doing. I chose it and looked around at my little world, grateful, on a regular basis. I simply took for granted that I could manage all that my life entailed. It had never occurred to me that I might have been expecting too much of my physical and emotional reserves.
I was reminded that life needn’t necessarily feel bad for it to be too much, for the necessity of spending a little more time on rest, on slowing down, on whatever nourishes our souls. Otherwise, we are left plodding through the days, the months, the years, in this automatic, semiconscious way, attending to others and infinite life requirements, without turning the focus back on ourselves to assess what it is we really hunger for at the most basic level.
You know what else this kindhearted physician helped me realize I needed? Permission to play hooky. Permission (from myself) to take a brief respite from my own business (you’d think, as the boss, doing so wouldn’t be so guilt inducing—and you’d be wrong), from my family, from my life. This felt rebellious, immediately taking me back to my high school years, when, as a conscientious and overscheduled teen, my parents allowed me to play hooky, savoring a mental health day without the need to first drive myself to exhaustion and illness. I can still wistfully recall the delicious feeling of rest and quiet as the world continued on for the day without me. I couldn’t go out of the house lest my benign deceit was discovered, so I blissfully sat home reading, consuming mindless TV, recharging my body and mind.
Perhaps you’ve never played hooky a day in your life and this sounds outrageous or irresponsible. Maybe your parents would never have allowed such a thing, requiring you to be on your deathbed before any school could be missed. Whatever your previous experience with sick days, I’ll let you in on a little secret: You are now a grown-ass woman who can make her own choices. Even if you are the boss, you can take the day off when you are not really sick. (I am emphasizing this to myself as well as to you.)
I highly recommend (to us both) a full-on mental health “sick” day. Though the vast majority of the mindful breaks in this book are brief and meant to be incorporated in the midst of the day, the Play Hooky Mindful Break is unique in that I am advocating strongly for an entire planned day off. A day to play hooky from work, from responsibilities, from your life. Some of you will say this is impossible and maybe—maybe—this is true. This break can last anywhere from a few short minutes to an entire, legitimate day off—or any length of time you can muster.
The Play Hooky Mindful Break
1. Get quiet, take a few moments, and dream a little. If I were to grant you one whole day when you could jump off the spinning world and do whatever your little heart desired, how, and with whom, would you spend it? Would it be a wild adventure à la Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? Would you lie in bed under the covers with Netflix, Ben, and Jerry? Would you pull on your running shoes and head out into the woods solo, or with your partner or loyal dog in tow? Maybe you’d grab your girlfriend, splurge on an hour massage and mani-pedi with dinner and wine to follow. Listen in on what your soul is craving without throwing up the barriers just yet.
2. Can you schedule a day off? Before you shout No way! consider that the world will not come crashing down if you miss one single day of work. Of course, you’ll want to do this responsibly, we don’t want a (Bueller . . . Bueller) unexcused absence to ensue. I trust you know the ins and outs of your particular workplace—whether a day scheduled off in advance is a necessity or if your position allows for a more last-minute day to play hooky on a whim.
3. Notice the reasons your mind concocts as to why this is not feasible and assess their true validity. If a full day is not in the cards right now, schedule a few hours. Maybe leave your office and go for a picnic lunch or spend a few minutes window-shopping, taking in the sights. Even a half-hour mini respite can feel wonderfully decadent.
4. If and when thoughts of guilt arise, acknowledge them, brush them gently aside, and remind yourself of our universal deep-seated need for self-care and rest, so rare and fleeting. You will return to work rejuvenated, a boon to any workplace. Treat yourself with the same care that kindly doctor showed me. Each of us, by nature of being human, is deserving. Why not you?
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Excerpt from Breathe, Empower, Achieve: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Women Who Do It All—Ditch the Stress Without Losing Your Edge. Copyright © 2019 by Shonda Moralis.
